hi again

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

I don't know what to say other than, I'm going to give this a try again. I gave up this blog for a while because it housed some intense memories. I figured I would start over again, so I created a new blog on an entirely different platform. I quickly realized that I hated that platform. It made it too hard for me to customize things in the way that I wanted. So that in itself made me want to stop blogging. I decided to start this one over again. Although this site does still have those posts that absolutely break me, I will still keep them on here because those pieces of writings were a part of my history. I need to be reminded of my past instead of trying to hide from it. 

So lets give this a try....again....

What have I been up to? Honestly this years has pretty much been c o m p l e t e  s h i t . Seriously. This year has been one of the worst that I have ever encountered. It has been almost as bad as the year that my dad was diagnosed with cancer and passed away. That was the worst year of my life, this is the second worst year. I feel as though I have been kicked around, severely punched and bruised all throughout these days. The cherry on top was when my job laid me off. Completely random and out of the blue I was called into the office and told that there would be no work for me during the holiday season. Seriously? Thankfully I have kept my part-time barista job around just in case something like this would happen. I will soon transition into a full-time barista, full-time customer service employee, full-time "is this why I went to college? Is this why I got this degree?" This whole year I have been feeling completely worthless. Failed relationships, failed job searches, failed jobs. 2017 seems to have put up a brick wall the size of The Great Wall of China. I honestly cannot wait for this year to be over with. That is another reason why I gave up blogging, it was because my life has been uninspiring. Why would I want to share that with the internet? I'm sorry if you've read my bickering this far. I want to start blogging again because I remembered how it would help me find the beauty in every day life. That is what I have been missing. I need this safe space to share my feelings with whoever will read.

So welcome back. I won't promise that I'll stick around forever, I won't promise that every post will be happy and inspiring, but I will promise that I am going to be real throughout this. 

smitten

Friday, October 14, 2016

There are so many things that I want to write about. One is about finding a new job. I knew that the right job was going to come up and it did, I am sooooo happy where I am at. Another thing is school. My graduation invitations came in the mail this week and I got a little emotional. I haven't been freaking out as much as I thought I would be this far into the semester, but I can tell that my body is slowly tingling with anxiety about the next couple of months. I have two more months left. Wow. The last thing is my sweet boyfriend. I am completely smitten with him. I love him. I absolutely love him. Long distance is so hard. There have been a couple times where I think, "is this all really worth it?" It sucks missing the guy that you care so deeply about. But I am lucky to have a guy who LOOOOOOVES to communicate. I am smiling now just thinking about him. There are so many things to consider when it comes to long distance. My main thought, which I try to ignore is, "when is the finish line to all of this?" Having that thought linger in the back of your mind leads to problems and we have come to the conclusion that we will just not think about it and take every day as it is. I should probably write a whole post about long distance and all of the negative thoughts that come along with it. That'll be a super long post, so who knows if I'll get around to it. Unless someone out there really wants to read about it. But anyways, my life has been slowly knitting itself back together. I am at a somewhat good place right now. Lets just see how these next few weeks go.

Please Stop Ghosting Me.

Monday, September 12, 2016

Why does looking for a new job feel like I'm dating again? I literally feel like I am on tinder swiping through different jobs. I get excited when I find a job that pays semi-decent. I get extremely excited when I get that email or call saying, "hey we like your resume! You want to come on in for an interview?" Then I get dressed up and practice my confidence. I'm usually not nervous when I go into interviews because I know that I am pretty great at what I want to do and I am generally a well liked person. Anyways, the interview always goes well and I always hear, "you will hear from us soon." I walk away feeling empowered and elated. Days and weeks go by and all I see in my inbox are coupons for H&M, Pizza Hut, and Forever21. I was ghosted by job. This has happened to me, within two months, about  f i v e  freaking times. I know five times doesn't sound like a lot, but when you are constantly sending out your resume to internships and part-time positions, five times can get to you. I'm trying to not get discouraged. I know that the right job is out there for me, I know that the right internship is waiting for me. My savings account may be dwindling and I find myself eating butter and bread for breakfast and cereal for dinner, but its ok. Something is going to come up.


Anyways, that was my rant and that has been the cause of the stress in my life so far. Besides that everything is going great! I leave for Colorado on Friday so I can spend time with my boyfriend. I'm swooning for this guy real hard. He is a freaking gem and everyday I am reminded at how lucky I am to have him in my life. 

That's the end of this post. I was ranting and then gushing. Now here are the pictures :)

The First of Many

Sunday, August 21, 2016


Well???? I'm back. I always take these long breaks from blogging. My life has been exciting and busy. The other day I was talking to my boyfriend and was mentioning how I was sad because this year has been pretty interesting and I have rarely been documenting any of it on here. There was my first trip to Colorado in May, my second trip to Colorado in July, my summer classes, passing all of my summer classes (!!!). There was my spring break Austin adventure, my other Austin adventure that I went on in May. Where have I been? I've been lazy on the blogging part, thats what. It makes me sad. 

The reason why I'm back is because tomorrow I start my * l a s t * semester of college. My OFFICIAL LAST SEMESTER OF SCHOOL!!!!!! TOMORROW! ITS HAPPENING! I'm going to make sure that I take time out of my life to document my daily happenings. I'm not sure I'll write on here everyday. But I'm going to make it a priority to write on here. I need this. This blog is what helps me focus and what keeps me sane. It always has been. 

What is new with me? Lets see. I have been jobless for about six weeks and I have applied to 26 jobs and counting. I have been stressing about not having a job because I need money. I just payed for my tuition, I still need to buy my books and art supplies, I need to start thinking about graduation costs as well. There have been nights where I wake up and am terrified of using up all of my savings. I will get a job soon though. I'm not going to give up on applying and emailing companies. Things are going to be ok sooner or later. 
I have been reading Harry Potter (for the first time) all summer. Right now I am on book four and can tell that this book is going to be darker than the rest. So far the Prisoner of Azkaban is my favorite. 
I have also been watching Breaking Bad (once again for the first time) and my boyfriend is loving watching me react to the intense parts. Hahahah he finds my squealing absolutely hilarious. 
Oh yes, and the boyfriend. I still have a boyfriend. Surprisingly he has still been sticking around :) We are doing the whole long distance thing. He lives in Colorado and I still live down here in Houston. We make it a goal to see each other once a month and so far that is what has been happening. I'm going to see him in two weeks for his cousins wedding and I caaaaan't wait! This is going to be the first time that I am going to a formal event with a guy. I didn't have a date for prom, guys didn't seem to like me in high school haha. 

Anyways, my life has been pretty good besides being poor and freaking out about my expenses. 

Thanks for reading my ramblings. 

Talk to you soon ♥

One Month But 148 Days

Monday, June 13, 2016


Today marks one month of dating you but 148 days of having you in my life.

I never would have imagined meeting someone as sweet, loving, loyal, genuine, and amazing as you. I keep telling you this over and over again but, my sweet one, you are one of the nicest guys I have ever met. I never would have imagined meeting someone so amazing in that funny typical millennial way. I never would have imagined that every day of this year my heart would grow more and more fond of you. I never would have imagined that at the very end of last year I was going to befriend this wonderful human who would constantly show me love even when we were just friends. I never would have imagined that this sweet guy would ask me to be his girlfriend on top of a  mountain in Rocky Mountain National park, 10,000 feet up in the air surrounded by the most beautiful sights I have ever seen.  I never would have imagined that I would be comfortable enough to show my true self around someone like you. I never would have imagined that a guy like you would be proud enough to show me off to all of his friends and family. 

You love telling the people in your life about me and that warms my heart completely. 

I am such a lucky girl. 

You have been one of the best parts about this year. Every day you remind me of how lucky I am to have you in my life. I do not take that for granted. You put all of the others guys that I have dated in the past to shame. You are the first guy that has wanted to keep me around even with all the barriers that we have to jump through in order to make this work. I am amazed by you because you have shown me multiple times that you are willing to make this work. 

I don't know what the future holds. I don't know whats going to happen towards the end of this year and what will happen next year. But I do know that right now I am so happy with you. 

I am so, so happy with you.


On April 22, 2016 Around 11:40 p.m.

Thursday, May 12, 2016


he replied with sincerity,
" t h i s   i s   r e a l "
and at that moment my walls began to slowly fall. 
You're becoming the best. The absolute best my sweet one. 

♥

24th BiRTHDAY

Tuesday, April 05, 2016


For those of you who follow me on social media...you're probably tired of seeing this picture. But I can't help it! I think I look sexy. 

It doesn't surprise me that I've been feeling the most amount of love today from literally EVERYONE. I even had a homeless man sing happy birthday to me, and while I was blushing, I was still amazed that he even wanted me to feel special. 24 is my favorite number. Always has been and always will be. I'm so excited for this new year. I'm expecting so many great things to happen to me within these next 12 months and although I'm scared, I am so ready. I finally feel, for the first time, that I am at a time in my life where I am content with who I am and where I am going. I am filled with so much confidence. I love who I am and I can't wait to continue showing it off to everyone that I meet this year. Man, I'm just so in love with all of my family and friends and random strangers that I come across on a daily basis. I can't help but constantly think back to the little teenage me who only dreamed about becoming this age that I am today. I would have never imagined that my life would turn out the way that it has been. I've gone through shit. There have been some occasions where I have cried to the point where I couldn't breath. I've gone to bed scared about my future and not knowing what career path to choose. There was a period where I literally had no friends nearby and that is when I started this blog, to try and reach out to anyone who would read this thing. But now I'm constantly surrounded by people who love me and there is nothing that compares to this feeling. I'm not sure what the rest of my twenties will look like. Hopefully when I graduate this year I will get a job somewhere, move out somewhere, and where ever life decides to take me, I will strive to continue to show the same amount of love that everyone shares with me. And I just feel like saying on here, that I love whoever reads this thing regularly. I truly truly love you. 

Bittersweet

Thursday, March 24, 2016


Today marks the first time I will be feeling this bittersweet moment. 
This exact feeling will repeat itself many times within this year.
I'm not sure I'm ready for it.  


Things That Make Me Smile

Thursday, March 03, 2016




Yellow flowers blooming during the first weeks of spring. Especially the yellow honeysuckles that you had planted on our porch three months before cancer took your life. Every time I walk by and smell that sweet scent, memories of you rush through and I can't help but feel your love.

 Choosing my classes for the new term and seeing that I've passed all of those classes.

My birthday. My birthday week. My birthday month. Yes, I'm one of those girls.

 Making Anthony laugh, because he is the funniest person that I know and if I'm able to make him laugh then I feel slightly accomplished for the day.

 Meeting a fellow cat lover.

 Making Amber laugh, because each new bout of laughter adds on to the already 10+ years of friendship that we have planted.

 Hearing that sentence during the beautiful moment.

 Knowing that I am currently a public relations intern at one of the largest art museums in America.

 Making Elyse laugh because when she smiles it is the sweetest thing and I know that through her transition right now she is needing this laughter.

Watching wedding proposals on YouTube. I not only smile but I cry, and I hope for that one day.

Looking through Kinsey's photos.

 Making Kimmy laugh, because when she laughs her eyes squint until they disappear between her black rimed glasses and its the cutest thing ever.

 Making Michelle laugh, because when she laughs I know that I'm laughing right there with her. Our foul language, hateful cat jokes and our forever inside jokes that we've built along the years, will forever remain with me.

 Hearing someone call me beautiful. 

 Making Carol laugh, because remember Korea and every time our plans were screwed up we would always say in our thick texan accent, "dang it korea, not again korea". Remember when we were in middle school and I made you give that guy at church my number and you were pissed off because I forced you do my dirty work? Remember when we were children at el tab...so many wonderful embarrassing memories.

 Finding that my cat is waiting for me when I get home from a long day.

That moment when I see that my period has ended for the month.

 Looking at the homeless faces when I give them free coffee and a free pastry. 

 English breakfast tea with a splash of milk.

 Espresso that is dialed in correctly.

 Knowing that in a few months, whether it be 10 months from now or 15 months from now, I will finally be graduating.

 My savings account.


February Snapshots & Rambles

Saturday, February 27, 2016


  • I'm currently doing a survey for MD Anderson so I can get a $50 Target gift card. The lady told me that this assignment would take two hours and this crap has been taking me FOUR HOURS. 
  • I need to take defensive driving this month because of a ticket that I received over three months ago. I am not looking forward to that day and of course I would procrastinate to the very last week to get it done.
  • As I'm typing this I see my cat is trying to attack the squirrels that are outside my window. She's actually growling and I cannot stop laughing. The squirrels keep picking on her and my goodness, I'm just now realizing that spring time is here and I am so happy about it. Spring is my absolute favorite season. 
  • Although I'm really happy and content with my life right now there is this one thing that has been keeping me up worrying. I'm still trying to figure out the solution, but I think until then I will continue to worry.
  • This Saturday morning has been turning out just beautifully. I wish I can take this exact moment, bottle it, keep it in a locket around my neck and only open it in times of need.


Pattern

Sunday, February 14, 2016



She had found herself falling into the same pattern.
Not knowing that the contentment would then cause confusion.
Clouded confusion.
Clouded vision.
Blurry paths.
She found herself smirking as she had before.
Feeling more and more like the woman that she knew she would soon become.
Not knowing if this woman was the person that she really wanted to become.
The pridefulness that soon followed, the smirk that wouldn't leave her face, the look that continued to mirror back into her life.
"this is not what I'm supposed to feel like" 
"all of it, it's not real, it's empty"
"every. single. one."
And she would quickly learn, as she had before, about every. single. one.




Spring Semester

Wednesday, February 03, 2016


You have been grand so far.
The only thing worrying me is espanol,
pero yo voy a estudiar.
I'm in art classes again. 
Praise - you beautiful stress reliever.
Keep it up.

HEY YA'LL

Tuesday, January 12, 2016


It's been a while. 
The whole reason behind the MIA thing is because...well, do I have to explain myself?
Not really.
...
So much has happened since I last wrote my feelings down in this thing.
2015 ended and 2016 began,
and let me tell you, 
2016 has been off to an amazing start.
I welcomed in the New Year in the best way possible. 
Watching Jane the Virgin and eating chocolate chip cookies until my stomach felt as though it would explode. 
Let me not forget to mention the champaign mixed with elderflower & rose lemonade. 
I'm going to market that cocktail because it was heavenly.

^ (and just fyi, THIS IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND JUST A GOOD OL' FRIEND OF NINE YEARS) 
Nothing new has changed with me. 
Other than I am mentally stronger than I was last year. 
I've become better with handling my feelings and not letting the small stuff get to me.
I'm becoming more of a "go with the flow" type of girl and that doesn't scare me anymore.
I've also become better with handling my sugar intake. 
January began my sugar fast and I haven't had a lick of sugar.
No cookies, cakes, cupcakes, cookies & cream ice cream, chocolate, candy, pecan pie, coconut cream pie, chocolate pie, rhubarb pie, banana cream pie,
man I miss pie.
*19 more days until I can eat more pie*


I have much to look forward to this year. 
This is my senior year of my undergrad!! Officially.
All these years working hard to finally get to this point. 
I'm scared and ready.
Last year was incredibly stressful and I can only imagine how much more this year will be.


I'm also turning 24 this year. 24 is my favorite number and I believe it will be one of the best years ever or the year that I die.
Either one I'm perfectly content with.
Yeah, I know that sounded emo. 
Maybe this is the year that I study abroad? 
That is if I have the money in time. 
If I go, I go, if not then whatever.
This is also the year where I feel as though I'm completely over you.
I know for a fact that I am over the past and the small moments that we had.
This makes me over the moon happy.
You were one of the best and worst parts of the past couple of years.
I wish you all the best and all the happiness that your heart can desire.
I'm coming at this year head strong and filled to the brim with love.
So much love that I become teary eyed.
I'm blessed with the best family, even greater friends, and wonderful memories.


I hope to find time this year to take time for myself and just breathe.
I missed out on that last year.
Maybe get a massage? Facial? Get my nails done did? Lush it up in the bathtub?
...
I'm ready for you 2016. I welcome you with all the bear hugs that my scrawny arms can handle.

♥