I am sort of, somewhat back. It's currently almost midnight and I'm still up writing a paper for one of my psychology classes. School work never ends here. I think I am finally learning to manage my time wisely. Who knows, I might have another mental break down again next week. By mental breakdown I mean, real tears and all.
I was driving home from school last week and lost it. I haven't cried like that in a long time actually, so I guess it was a good thing that I let everything out. But then I started to wonder and hope that this not what my future is going to keep on looking like. I can't be stressed out like this anymore. It's not good for my health mentally and physically. So I made a promise to myself to take breaks. Just actually chill out and breathe. So far it has been working and I find myself having little bits of joy within those spouts of stress. Another thing that I am going to start doing is keeping a list of 3-5 good things that happened in a day, that way I can stop focusing on all the negative crap.
Oh yes….and make more lists for the day. Lists as in "to-do lists," that has seemed to be helping a bit also.

Okay so what is new with me?
Honestly nothing new has happened.
Maybe I have some new thing. You know how I made that promise to myself this year that I would not date guys, well I am still sticking to my promise but within the two weeks that passed by I noticed a few guys that seem to fancy me. And by a few I mean 2. One at school and the other at work. What really gave all this away was valentines day. They really spoiled me, tons, more than I wanted to be spoiled and it let up a red flag. I seem to have been born with this curse. Heres how it goes:
I become friends with these guys, just friends, thats all that I ever want to be. Then I notice them being a little extra too nice to me. Basically they suffocate me with kindness and that is when I know that they have fallen for me. I don't do anything. No flirting, touching, or any of that other stuff you do to people that you like. Then they reveal their feelings for me and I shrivel up inside because I know that I have to bring the bad news, feeling like the bad guy, and say "hey buddy, just friends here, thats it". Then things will either be awkward or they bear it and still remain my friend. This always seems to happen to me. Always. Why can't this stuff happen with the guys that I actually like?! Why can't those guys fall for me? This is my life.
Has this thing ever happened to you? Or am I the only one in this world who has been born with this curse?
I just have a feeling that in my near future these two guys are gonna tell me their feelings and well….the shriveling up will commence and I WILL LOOK LIKE THE BAD GUY BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON I ALWAYS DO. Ugh.
I think I need to wear a giant sign that says "Warning: I will probably break your heart just fyi."
Maybe that's too extreme. But hey, this is my blog and I can spew out my imagination on this thing as needed.

Oh yes. Another thing, my hair will be dyed red on thursday and I cannot wait. I'm going for the Christie Dupree red. If you don't know who she is google her. I wish she was my best friend. Maybe she has had the same problem with guy friends as I have.



Haha, enough ranting for the night. Now that I think about it, I think this was just procrastination.
Oh well, goodnight.


♥ misa